Alison Fan will tonight broadcast an interview she has conducted with John Kizon regarding Ben Cousins.

The interview was conducted at a wake in a Subiaco restaurant recently after the funeral of Craig Christian's father. No doubt a fine crowd of upstanding citizens turned out to farewell Craig's old man. I'm sure he spent the last half of his life revelling in the antics of his son and his associates. He must have been a top bloke to produce a piece of excrement like that and I would like to pay final tribute to him. Well done sir! He sets a fine example to all would-be killers thugs and drug dealers.

I wonder if it was a religious service? I've never had anything but contempt for a church that can welcome and take support from organised criminals and drug dealers, but hey! hypocrisy has long been their hallmark hasn't it?

What Kizon could possibly add to this saga is beyond me. I have heard shorts from the broadcast in which he rails at the Eagles for not providing sufficient guidance and help. Yet, here is a man with his record of criminal activity and drug dealing, spouting forth on the subject. What a laugh.

He may be right in his suggestion that the Eagles didn't do enough for Ben, but as someone else has said, what did Kizon do for him - his friend? I can guess what he did. Probably put him in contact with someone who could provide a ready source to feed his addiction.

We need some good old Melbourne Underbelly blood-letting here and I would delight at the prospect of seeing the likes of Christian, Kizon and various bikie and ethnic gang leaders wiped clean off the face of the planet. If some hangers on get hurt in the process well, such is the price you pay for not picking your friends more wisely.

I've ranted previously about reality television. The description of this palpable human waste as 'reality' is in itself a misnomer. It is no more like real life than is CSI Miami. I not only dislike it - I passionately abhor it. (Sorry Lisa!)

Each to their own and if people want to spend countless hours taking this in that is fine with me. Likewise, if I chose to slag it mercilessly, that is fine with me too. I think Network 10 is the worst offender and has offered us the 'Big Brother' and 'Idol' tripe. Sadly, the other networks and even dear old Aunty are on the bandwagon too.

I have missed out on television (by choice) for so long that I can not relate to, nor understand the attraction. Even more, I am genuinely saddened and disturbed by the level to which it is entrenched in the psyche of the all too average Australian fodder watcher. Such shows dominate radio discussion, newspapers and magazines. Predominantly 13 year old females of our species flock to shopping centres where these erstwhile nonentities arrive for promotional work. They are famous for absolutely fucking nothing yet they are famous nonetheless. They get paid about $1,000 to turn up at a pub and hang around for an hour (they really do).

The main thrust of such shows are to strip people of their self-respect and then hang them out in front of the viewers of Australia so that they can gawk in humour, sorrow or amazement.

The real trick is to make contestants cry. The more tears - the better it is. Watch the promos for these shows. Notice how they concentrate on the tear factor? Somebody said something nasty to someone else so ..... BLUBBER! Some fat fuck didn't lose 20 kilos in the last month despite cutting down the cream bun intake to 5 per day, so ..... BLUBBER! Some dipstick on an island got voted off because they are a first class spanker, so ..... BLUBBER! It's all rather tacky.

I actually only started this rant to because I wanted to comment on the fact that Channel 10 are to introduce Corey, the recalcitrant ratbag partyboy, to the Big Brother house this weekend. You know what disappoints me? I haven't heard anyone yet comment on the morality shown by one of our licensed television networks in allowing this booze-swilling buffoon to further play on his celebrity status.

I think it is improper and I think it is immoral. Here is a punk who caused vast damage to property and wasted immeasurable public resources and now Network 10 now sees fit to validate his behaviour.

What message is being given here? Will the young and impressionable in society feel that such behaviour if not condoned, might still be worthwhile because it's all just a bit of a laugh?

The executives of Network 10 will no doubt defend their right to put this teen wanker on the show and would probably claim some pious responsibility to show the public what they want. They would also claim that after all, they only reflect community standards - they don't shape them. Well, they do shape them and they continue to plummet to new depths in the vast pool of sewerage that is reality television. 

Network 10 executives are a disgrace and were I able to, I would dismiss the lot of them and  force them onto the streets to get a real job. Perhaps there could be a reality TV show in it?

In August 1997, the princess of hearts and the playboy son of very dubious Egyptian business man were killed in a high speed race through a French tunnel.

The driver, one of the Egyptian family's employees, was laced to the eyeballs on a cocktail of drugs and alcohol. The car was speeding, and the irresponsible behaviour of the passengers in the back (by not wearing seatbelts) all contributed to the death of the joy riders.

Still - some 10 and a half years later -Mohamed Abdel Moneim Fayed still refuses to face the facts. MI5, MI6. The Duke of Edingburgh and Uncle Tom Cobley have all conspired to hide the terrible truth that they killed his son and them other folks in the car.

It is no doubt difficult to accept the death of one's own children and it is a natural part of the process to seek blame in some quarter. Some people seek to blame themselves in some way, while others look to blame anybody but themselves.

What usually happens though is you move on. You don't wear it around your neck like a yoke, and you don't use it to fire you up in to outrageous indignation on a daily basis at the very thought that justice has not been served. Not after 10 years. You may still hold others responsible in some way. You keep your own wise counsel on the subject and you deal with what is left of your life.

You have to question the morality and mental soundness of a person like Mohamed Abdel Moneim Fayed. His dubious business history perhaps reflects a state of mind where you believe that everybody is capable of the same sort of conspiratorial illegalities as you.

The Egyptian businessman has no more legal redress (at last!). If I were the silly old duke, I'd be beefing up security and if I were MI5 I would be tapping Abdel's phone lines. The man is a raving looney!

Amazing what you can do with money, is it not?

As an Eagles member, I have to say this has not been a great year. 

Ben Cousins.

To me it is just a tragedy to see someone lose control of his life like this. Unlike some of the behaviour of people off the rails, he's only done physical harm to himself. On a secondary level, certainly he's hurt his family. At a further distance, he's hurt the club and it's supporters. Frankly, I don't really give a toss about that. I just think it is so sad to see someone lose so much. To see so much potential laid to waste. To see good people close to him having to deal with such pain.

Now Ben has gone and I think the club were right to cut him from the player list. The press conference they held last night was all about supporting Ben (if he wishes their help) in overcoming his problems. It was made clear however that he will never play for the club again.

The one thing that really irritates me about this is that there are small-minded people who form their opinions based on club loyalties. Smug and superior is fine until you open the closet door of your club and perhaps see some lesser profile player with similar issues. They are out there. They are out there in real life too and I doubt that there are many people who have not been touched by the pain of drug abuse in their personal lives, or sadly - will be.

This is an issue that transcends a bloody game and Western Australia is suffering a pandemic of drug taking. It needs to be dealt with. Forget the footy.

Anyway, back to the simple little message I was originally going to give before I digressed:

Out of the tragic end to what was left of Ben Cousin's self respect this week, comes the opportunity for people to blog incessantly on the West Australian's web site. A number of people put many different spins on this saga. One comment that caught my eye (who don't they catch both your eyes?) was this post:



 At first I thought it may have been used in jest and might even have been a quote, but I can find no reference to it on Google. I think that what Susan lacks in literary depth is more than adequately compensated for by her numeracy skills.

 From MSN:

"The husband of actress Zsa Zsa Gabor said that he had a decade-long affair with Anna Nicole Smith and may be her infant daughter's father.

The claim by Prince Frederic von Anhalt on Friday comes amid a paternity suit over Smith's 5-month-old daughter, Dannielynn. The birth certificate lists Dannielynn's father as attorney Howard K. Stern, but former Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead is waging a legal challenge, saying he is the father.

"If you go back from September, she wasn't with one of those guys, she was with me," von Anhalt told The Associated Press in an interview Friday."

Added to this blog without comment

Anna Nicole has gone to meet her maker. A suspected drug overdose has brought and end to this most Hollywood of Hollywood celebrities. She certainly knew how to hog publicity.  She did it all. From getting her gear off for Playboy and marrying a senile billionaire to dabbling at acting and hosting her own tv show, her life was a soapie. The death of a son while welcoming a new child into the world and her infamous legal stoushes over the late husband's wealth only added fuel to a life that was on fire. 

So what care I you may well ask? Not a lot. 

There is now one less money-grubbing, materialistic trollop on the world stage, commanding more attention than she deserves. It appears she came to an end because once again, she didn't respect or care that life has its limits. I would rather be my boring 53 than have done all she did and die at 39. The woman was a joke. Some may well say that she was laughing all the way to the bank but if that is your only measure of a person's success or indeed, you think that money is God and that it is all there is in life, then I'll wave you goodbye as you wander down that road that she of the voluminous breasts has just ventured.

Now, if we can just put Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton on to Anna's drug supplier perhaps we can get on with issues more deserving our attention. 


John's Requiem For Anna

Oh Anna Nicole Oh Anna Nicole!

The world won’t be the same.

You were a harlot, a big breasted mole,

a hooker for fortune and fame.

Oh Anna Nicole Oh Anna Nicole!

For oil, you were readily drilled

And now the good Lord has taken your soul.

Your body’s not hot now, but chilled

Oh Anna Nicole Oh Anna Nicole!

I weep at your sudden demise.

No cash to be made in your new starring role.

No more to be parting your thighs.

Though in Heaven dear Anna, it should be alright.

You’ll have riches beyond worldly dreaming.

Where angels abound - up for sex every night,

You’ll be full of some hot saintly semen.

Rest in peace


Finally, my most endearing memory of Anna Nicole? It is this:

Movie: Naked Gun 2
Scene: Adult shop

A very busty Anna is serving behind the counter. What keeps her breasts inside her dress defies explanation. The cops decide to raid the place looking for clues to a case. They burst through the door, led by Leslie Nielsen.

"Is this some kind of bust?" says Anna.
"Very impressive!" says Nielsen.